Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize