Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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