he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That was an excessively violent trivia night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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