she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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