cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
