we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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