Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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