I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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