my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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