just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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