he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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