3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.