i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize