u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.