im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?