Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
