I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
