dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
