??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
