She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
