On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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