Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
