If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
