I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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