I cannot find my penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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