he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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