Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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