Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
