Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He has the fingertips of a God
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