Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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