does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
