You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My pussy is not your playground.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
