Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
