I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
