girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
