Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
