Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
