oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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