I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You took a bar mat shot.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
