im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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