so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
