wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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