Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
