I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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