I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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