well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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