I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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