wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
