i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
