and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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