well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
