i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
