oh god the rape fog is back!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The uberlube is also flammable
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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