dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
