If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
