So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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