P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
