I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
