you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
