woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
