you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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