oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize