i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
