it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
