Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
