is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
