i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize