We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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