I looked at my own cervix.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
