Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
